So it’s been a while since my last post, in truth I have a touch of writers block so I have decided to upload some of my poetry.
I have avoided it thus far as a lot of it is rather dark and miserable and I feel it exposes parts of me that 99% of the time is hidden away from the outside world.
I have feared rejection and being told my writing is crap but I have come to the conclussion, with the help of a very special friend whom I love dearly (you know who you are darling) that although I cannot please everyone and some may hate the way I express myself, there will be a few who will understand and will see a reflection of their own soul within my own and so in an effort to reach out to the few people who will appreciate the depth and emotion expressed in my writing, this, is for you.
Dreams scream from the darkness of hidden memory,
Images in shadow,
Darkness in light,
Misery in euphoria,
An unnerving reassurance in the deafening silence of my mind,
An overcrowded loneliness,
A bloated emptiness,
A death birthing life,
The end of a beginning,
A clear confusion of chaotic organisation,
This relentless fever running through my mind, sickening my thoughts and killing all hope.
You came along and ruined me completely, now I cannot love, I am numb.
On my knees screaming for peace yet the pain grows stronger still.
All paths blocked except one.
This path will only lead to death.
My soul destroyed, the flames in my heart long extinguished.
I am dead.
So why does my mind continue this relentless torture?
Stop, please, just let it stop.
The piercing agony of this all continues on and on.
Take a knife,
Cut my throat,
Cut my wrists,
Cut my blackened heart from this useless body and burn me in the cleansing fires.
I will not be damned to hell,
For damned I already am and hell is only my mind.
If you cannot save me then love me if you cannot love me then kill me and through the peace of death I will be saved.
You broke my wings
So I cannot fly
You broke my heart
So I cannot love
You broke my mind
So I cannot smile
You broke my soul
So I cannot find peace.
I will steal your wings
So I can fly
I will steal your heart
So I can love
I will steal your mind
So I can smile
Then I will bury your soul
So I can find peace
I told you my past dark love
Not to cross me.
I cannot hear your words through the screaming,
Just a moment of silence to remember who we are.
Don’t you know your pain is my own,
I feel the deep burning of it as you do.
Hide away, lock away your vulnerability,
I need strength to get us through.
I will keep the pain away, I will not let the darkness touch you.
And remember, as I wrap this steel blanket of protection around you,
I love you.
You don’t have to see my blood to watch me bleed
You don’t have to see my tears to watch me cry
You don’t have to bury me to watch me die.
See me smile and watch me bleed
See me laugh and watch me cry
See me dance and watch me die.
As unhappiness dwells upon an aching soul and the pain of loneliness increases it’s sting, I begin to wonder upon life, it’s meaning, the point.
Living with misery so potent and all consuming that I cannot bear to think of the future for fear of nothingness.
Where is my light in the darkness?
A darkness so black my whole being is blinded, I see, hear, sense nothing, nothing but the putrid stench of my own failure in life, love, normality.
So with my hands I search, I seek the comfort that always evades me and in the pitch black corner of my mind I curl up and cry, there I will remain for I cannot search any longer.
Instead I wait, I wait and scream out my suffering upon the echoing absence surrounding me.
I cry out for my comfort to find me and if there is no light shining for me then I will die waiting, suffocating on the truth of my own decaying exhistence.
There, in death, a different kind of comfort I will find.
My addiction to you already taking hold, each injection of your powerful drug seeps through my body and takes hold of my mind.
My soul tenderly sups the intoxication, the open wounds so cruel slashed into my once beautiful being begin to lose their sting.
With each small dose I am being cured and with each small dose my dependency grows.
Blind my eyes and bind my hands, let me discover my Masters beauty with butterfly kisses, my lips shall be my sight, my tongue shall be my be my touch.
Let me feast upon you, my Master, my World, my Everything.
Looking into the eyes of my Master as I bow before him, he captures my gaze with the fire in his.
Unable to look away I watch him drink in the secrets of my soul through my eyes and we wait, just wait, as time stops and our souls entwine, as my heart is given.
With no words uttered we both know, forever yours, Master.
Can you love a stranger?
Do you see me lover?
Do you truly know who I am?
I fear the worst
That you do not.
Have you seen my soul?
Have you looked upon the true destruction the past has left behind?
Would you still want me if you saw what I haven’t shown?
I fear the worst
That you would not.
Could you be content with what you see, what you know now?
Could you love a stranger?
I fear the worst
That you could not.
I have seen your soul lover, I have seen your past and still I love.
Should I expect the same from you?
To look upon the disfigurement of my heart and still love a shattered soul?
I know the worst
That I should not.
So I’ll hide it all away my love, so as not to frighten your fragile love away and I’ll hope you can love a stranger.
Your the only one who really sees me,
Do you feel what I do?
You made the darkness flee and my heart unfreeze,
You saved me before I could fade completely
and as my soul sours into the sky,
Riding high on the wave of this emotion,
I kneel before you,
Surrendering my heart,
I’m in love.
Shadows and conflicts consume my ever obsessive consciousness,
The energy within reappearing from the ruins and this decrepit diseased mind finds a temporary cure for its insanity,
Yet the canabalistic chaos reigns.
Rain down on me,
Demon of misery,
Blow on me your rank breath for all I smell is fear,
Fear that your taloned grip is weakening on me and sunshine may yet dare shine it’s warming rays upon me again.
She approaches from behind,
The ravenous demon inside of her already taking hold,
The violence within barely contained,
She pauses to regain control before stroking her hands over his broad muscled shoulders,
She circles him,
Stopping to face the green specked darkness behind which her haunted lover lies waiting to be awoken from the vanilla monotony she knows he so despises.
She smiles the smile of a lioness before the first salty sweet taste of her prey.
Finally she has him tied and bound, unable to escape her hunger.
A butterfly emerges euphoric yet shyly,
Out of her suffocating cocoon held long so highly,
Fear is far from her miniature heart,
As her wings so long crumpled delicately flutter apart,
Just one beat of her tiny wings and in far off places hurricanes sing,
Rejoicing at its tiny maker,
The winds whirl as they tear over an acre,
Destruction takes life,
Dust flies reborn,
All down to just one flutter from this tiny newborn.
© 2009 – 2014 by Firepassiondarkness.
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