Alot of people pass through our lives.
Some say hello, decide they don’t like us and move on pretty quick.
Some stick around for a while but life gets in the way and contact is lost but lets be honest you don’t miss them and they rarely pop back to mind.
Some are friends for years and years but they moved away and before you know it it’s been 5 years since you heard from your dear old friend, you look them up on facebook but to no avail, these friends may pop back to mind quite regularly and you miss them mostly when you’re feeling lonesome.
Some are friends for life, you knew them in school and you just know that you’ll be nipping over for a cuppa and a gossip when you’re 80 years old.
Then there are the ones you thought would be around forever but fate took them away too soon and you miss them terribly.
It’s one of these friends, a friend who i think of almost daily that i would like to share with you.
We shall call him Matthew.
Matthew flew into my life with a cheeky grin and a mass of curly white boy afro hair that he despised but we all loved.
At that time i was in yet another bad relationship and was quite regularly being beaten black and blue, although at the time i thought this was acceptable since my then boyfriend used the cover of being a “dom” as an excuse to deliver nightly and sometimes daily beatings, choking and generally excruciating and frightening sessions of “play”.
Matthew was the first and only of my friends to take me to one side and ask me if i was ok.
He saw the marks and bruising and cared enough to not only ask but to offer to “sort the cunt out” despite the fact that he was around 5ft 10 and a skinny little 18 year old who looked more like a 14 year old kid and my then boyfriend was 6ft 3 and a member of the army.
I will love him until my last breath for that.
From that moment on we were inseparable.
He was my bff and I, his.
I loved that boy with all my heart and he was like family to me.
I adored him so much that i took him to meet my dad and my sister, i wanted to show them what a beautiful person i had in my life and share the goodness that was my lovely best friend.
That night we went out the front of my dads house for a cigarette and discovered a beautiful full moon, it was stunning and huge.
We sat side by side on a wall and looked up at that giant orb of wonderousness in silence.
Matthew leaned over and planted a sweet little kiss on my cheek and took my hand.
He started to speak quietly and i listened as he confessed his love to me under the full moon and twinkling stars.
That was the single most beautifully romantic moment of my entire life.
That moment was given to me by the sweetest human being i have ever come across.
I gently explained to him that i loved him dearly but like a sister loves her brother.
There were no bad feelings between us and we continued on in our friendship with maybe just a touch more appreciation on my part for this lovely boy who had been so protective and had become my bff.
I went on to get together with another friend from our group of misfits and we decided to move away.
We saw Matthew along with another dear friend of ours just once after we moved and i naively thought it would be one of many visits.
I was almost 8 months pregnant with my son when the phone call came.
Matthew had passed away in an accident.
The silly sod had been showing off to a girl at a party by dangling from a balcony, he was drunk and high and he fell three storeys onto his head, he didn’t stand a chance.
An ambulance was called but he died on the way to the hospital.
My beautiful friend was gone.
Grief hit me like a sledge hammer to the chest, i couldn’t breath and i COULD NOT believe my Matthew was gone, no, he was meant to be one of the friends i popped over to see when we were old and grey to slag off the youth and relive old tales of mischief from ours!
I waited for the moment the call came to let me know it was all a big joke and he was safe.
I waited and waited, i text him and messaged him desperate for a reply but none came.
I was still refusing to believe when we pulled up outside the mortuary and we went inside to view his body.
I had to see for myself.
I needed proof that he was gone.
He was laid out in his usual black clothing and black trench coat.
Photo’s placed under his hands, resting on his tummy.
His face wasn’t the same smiley, happy, cheeky face, it was cold.
His skin was grey and his lips blue, i couldn’t bare it and kept thinking “he’ll be so cold”.
I was overcome with an intense need to get a blanket and tuck him in.
I couldn’t stand the thought of him being so cold.
Even now i sit here, tears rolling down my cheeks, the grief filling my heart, feeling bad because i didn’t have a bloody blanket to keep him warm!
At his funeral I held his dear old grans hand as his coffin was taken out of a horse drawn carriage and carried into the crematorium.
His gran is an amazing lady and we will continue to visit her as long as she will have us!
Even after seeing him with my own eyes i still struggle to accept he is gone.
My son was born a month to the day after my dear friend passed.
We gave him Matthews name as one of his middle names, i wish my son could have met the beautiful person he is named after.
He would have adored his Uncle Matthew just like mummy did.
My son is now 15 months old and would you believe he has a mass of blonde curls just like Matthews!
I like to think it’s his way of letting us know he is watching over our son, such a lucky boy to have Matthew as his guardian angel.
Rest in peace my darling dear bff.
One day we will meet again and i will thank you for the time we had together.
I will remember those happy times with fondness and a smile…… the summer BBQs, sitting in my living room getting horrendously high, absolutely wetting ourselves at the hilarity of Kat Williams, dancing in Rios and Fuel while screaming lyrics at each other of songs only we liked, watching you run off to vomit once again after consuming one too many of my famous killer cocktails, dying of laughter after you fell through the dodgy step on my stairs and smiling at you and returning the hugs goodbye as you whispered in my ear “bff” after yet another weekend of getting as wrecked as we possibly could…….
I’ll never ever forget the precious memories of you that will stay in my heart until i see you again.
I miss you.
Alot of people pass through our lives.