A wonderful friend and a beautiful memory

Alot of people pass through our lives.
Some say hello, decide they don’t like us and move on pretty quick.
Some stick around for a while but life gets in the way and contact is lost but lets be honest you don’t miss them and they rarely pop back to mind.
Some are friends for years and years but they moved away and before you know it it’s been 5 years since you heard from your dear old friend, you look them up on facebook but to no avail, these friends may pop back to mind quite regularly and you miss them mostly when you’re feeling lonesome.
Some are friends for life, you knew them in school and you just know that you’ll be nipping over for a cuppa and a gossip when you’re 80 years old.
Then there are the ones you thought would be around forever but fate took them away too soon and you miss them terribly.
It’s one of these friends, a friend who i think of almost daily that i would like to share with you.
We shall call him Matthew.
Matthew flew into my life with a cheeky grin and a mass of curly white boy afro hair that he despised but we all loved.
At that time i was in yet another bad relationship and was quite regularly being beaten black and blue, although at the time i thought this was acceptable since my then boyfriend used the cover of being a “dom” as an excuse to deliver nightly and sometimes daily beatings, choking and generally excruciating and frightening sessions of “play”.
Matthew was the first and only of my friends to take me to one side and ask me if i was ok.
He saw the marks and bruising and cared enough to not only ask but to offer to “sort the cunt out” despite the fact that he was around 5ft 10 and a skinny little 18 year old who looked more like a 14 year old kid and my then boyfriend was 6ft 3 and a member of the army.
I will love him until my last breath for that.
From that moment on we were inseparable.
He was my bff and I, his.
I loved that boy with all my heart and he was like family to me.
I adored him so much that i took him to meet my dad and my sister, i wanted to show them what a beautiful person i had in my life and share the goodness that was my lovely best friend.
That night we went out the front of my dads house for a cigarette and discovered a beautiful full moon, it was stunning and huge.
We sat side by side on a wall and looked up at that giant orb of wonderousness in silence.
Matthew leaned over and planted a sweet little kiss on my cheek and took my hand.
He started to speak quietly and i listened as he confessed his love to me under the full moon and twinkling stars.
That was the single most beautifully romantic moment of my entire life.
That moment was given to me by the sweetest human being i have ever come across.
I gently explained to him that i loved him dearly but like a sister loves her brother.
There were no bad feelings between us and we continued on in our friendship with maybe just a touch more appreciation on my part for this lovely boy who had been so protective and had become my bff.
I went on to get together with another friend from our group of misfits and we decided to move away.
We saw Matthew along with another dear friend of ours just once after we moved and i naively thought it would be one of many visits.
I was almost 8 months pregnant with my son when the phone call came.
Matthew had passed away in an accident.
The silly sod had been showing off to a girl at a party by dangling from a balcony, he was drunk and high and he fell three storeys onto his head, he didn’t stand a chance.
An ambulance was called but he died on the way to the hospital.
My beautiful friend was gone.
Grief hit me like a sledge hammer to the chest, i couldn’t breath and i COULD NOT believe my Matthew was gone, no, he was meant to be one of the friends i popped over to see when we were old and grey to slag off the youth and relive old tales of mischief from ours!
I waited for the moment the call came to let me know it was all a big joke and he was safe.
I waited and waited, i text him and messaged him desperate for a reply but none came.
I was still refusing to believe when we pulled up outside the mortuary and we went inside to view his body.
I had to see for myself.
I needed proof that he was gone.
He was laid out in his usual black clothing and black trench coat.
Photo’s placed under his hands, resting on his tummy.
His face wasn’t the same smiley, happy, cheeky face, it was cold.
His skin was grey and his lips blue, i couldn’t bare it and kept thinking “he’ll be so cold”.
I was overcome with an intense need to get a blanket and tuck him in.
I couldn’t stand the thought of him being so cold.
Even now i sit here, tears rolling down my cheeks, the grief filling my heart, feeling bad because i didn’t have a bloody blanket to keep him warm!
At his funeral I held his dear old grans hand as his coffin was taken out of a horse drawn carriage and carried into the crematorium.
His gran is an amazing lady and we will continue to visit her as long as she will have us!
Even after seeing him with my own eyes i still struggle to accept he is gone.
My son was born a month to the day after my dear friend passed.
We gave him Matthews name as one of his middle names, i wish my son could have met the beautiful person he is named after.
He would have adored his Uncle Matthew just like mummy did.
My son is now 15 months old and would you believe he has a mass of blonde curls just like Matthews!
I like to think it’s his way of letting us know he is watching over our son, such a lucky boy to have Matthew as his guardian angel.
Rest in peace my darling dear bff.
One day we will meet again and i will thank you for the time we had together.
I will remember those happy times with fondness and a smile…… the summer BBQs, sitting in my living room getting horrendously high, absolutely wetting ourselves at the hilarity of Kat Williams, dancing in Rios and Fuel while screaming lyrics at each other of songs only we liked, watching you run off to vomit once again after consuming one too many of my famous killer cocktails, dying of laughter after you fell through the dodgy step on my stairs and smiling at you and returning the hugs goodbye as you whispered in my ear “bff” after yet another weekend of getting as wrecked as we possibly could…….
I’ll never ever forget the precious memories of you that will stay in my heart until i see you again.
I miss you.



How to please a woman in bed.

I have noticed a disturbing trend in the male population at either not having a clue or not caring about pleasing a woman in bed.
Alot of men seem to think they are sex gods when in fact “shit in bed” doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Why not ask your woman what she likes!
Now your lady may be a bit shy and upon being asked turn bright red, cover her face with her hands and refuse to discuss any further.
It’s ok dear ones, allow Auntie Fire to train you in the magical and rare talent of making your woman worship your sexual prowess.
Lesson One: Foreplay. Please do not assume that rubbing the general vaginal area roughly and a quick suck and squeeze of her breasts is enough to turn her on.
This seems to be the main technique used by men.
Take it from me…. It’s shit.
A womans body is a wonder land full of secret places to lick, kiss, suck and tickle in order to turn a woman on to such a point she will be begging for it in no time at all, trust me.
Each womans body is different, what works for one woman may not for another.
So I suggest some experimentation.
An example; treat your lady to an erotic massage, use your tongue, mouth and hands to discover her most sensitive spots, places she enjoys being touched and kissed.
Please dont stick to the same old boring places, yes we have boobs and yes we have a vagina but we also have necks, backs, butts, thighs and so on.
Lesson Two: Oral. What is it with you guys disliking performing oral on a woman but fully expecting her to suck you off every time there’s any sexual activity?
Here’s a hint boys, there are zero sexual nerve endings in a woman’s mouth, sucking your cock is not a sexually pleasurable experience.
It is pleasurable as far as pleasing our man is concerned but women rapidly take the view he doesn’t return the favour, he’s selfish in bed , he doesn’t deserve it and so the only pleasure we get from doing it vanishes.
Was your woman amazing at orally pleasing you but over time has become less, shall we say “enthusiastic” about it…. She probably resents doing it because you refuse to pleasure her the same way back.
Before you even think it, fingering a girl is NOT the same.
It’s the same difference between us rubbing you and sucking you.
There’s a huge difference, I think you’ll agree?
Treat a womans clit the same way you would like your penis treated.
Would you enjoy a woman licking or sucking just the tip of your cock?
Well we need more than that too.
You guys pull back the hood and only lick or lightly suck the bit underneath…. Stop it.
Get the whole god damn thing in your mouth and suck it.
Tongue fuck your woman’s pussy and lick her clean.
You don’t like it?
Tough shit mate, you want the best blow job of your life?
Then make that girl scream and I promise…. You will get massive rewards for your hard work.
Lesson Three: Anal.
Are you willing to have a dildo inserted into your anus in order to experience what you are asking your woman to do?
No? Are you sure??
Why the hell are you expecting your girl to have your penis shoved up there then?!
Believe it or not a womans anus is not meant to have anything inserted into it.
It was built as an exit and is meant to remain such.
Anal can be a pleasurable experience for both but it takes time and patience to achieve.
An anus needs to be trained slowly to accept larger and larger insertions.
You can buy butt training kits for this purpose or as follows is how you can do it for free.
Start with a little finger and gently massage the area ,insert the finger slowly and communicate with your loved one in order to determine if they are ok with the sensation.
Over a period of weeks or months depending on how comfortable your partner is with progressing to larger objects (index finger, middle finger, small clean carrot and so on) you can stretch the muscles in the rectum to comfortably accept your penis.
It could be the other way around and your woman wants to experiment in this area but you do not, in this situation there can be a happy compromise, such as anal beads or a small vibrator, she can insert these herself and you needn’t go anywhere near it!
Lesson Four: Romance! A woman enjoys being wooed, even after you have her, you guys need to work hard to KEEP her.
Please do not make the mistake of thinking now you have her you can sit back, relax and keep her forever.
We need to feel special, loved, appreciated.
The best way to show this are acts of romance, an intimate meal out for two, a candle lit bubble bath, a rose or simply get down on your knees and rub your woman’s aching feet.
The seduction process begins here.
A woman requires emotional stimulation as well as physical.
Show her she is adored and you may find those headaches that keep preventing your sex life being active will magically disappear.
Romance, love and appreciation are wonderful things to a woman.
Lesson Five: Pornography. Now this is something I hate beyond words.
Yes it is fine to watch porn and bust one out…. While you are single.
A woman WILL get upset if she finds you have been watching another, most likely more attractive, woman having sex.
It makes us feel inadequate.
Would you be ok with your lady orgasming over a guy who’s not only more attractive but has a bigger cock than you?
Would you not ask “am I not enough for her that she has to go and get herself off watching other men?”
Of course you would!
It’s human nature.
It WILL effect your relationship if your woman is struggling with feelings of rejection and inadequacy.
It will make her feel ugly and unattractive.
A womans mind is very much connected to her sexual organs.
A woman will not enjoy herself and be able to orgasm while wondering if your thinking of the woman in the porn that she came across in your web history.
A woman needs to feel she is number one.
That she is the only woman in the world to you.
A depressed insecure woman is not a horny woman and she WILL punish you for looking at another.
We can’t help it.
We are jealous emotional creatures.

And so you have it, five basic lessons which I hope enlighten you just a little as to where your sex kitten may have disappeared to and how to entice her back out to play.
Good luck you horny devils!


Lazy parenting and blaming children for thier bad behaviour

A friend of mine recently launched into a rant about her children and thier behavior, all parents at some time or another have had enough and the pressures of parenting get a little too much.
Having a moan about sleepless nights or noise isn’t a bad thing, we all feel it from time to time!
The thing that irritates me beyond belief is when parents can’t be arsed to discipline thier children properly then wonder why they become such little shits!
Take my friend as a classic example, now I love her dearly and she’s a lovely woman she really is but her son is probably the worst child I have ever come across in my life.
He lies, steals, argues, bullies and is generally a horrible little fucker.
My friend…… Refuses to acknowledge his bad behavior unless it is towards her personally.
This is where the moaning comes in.
She can’t understand why he did it/ said it/ stole it.
“what the hell is wrong with him?!” she exclaims.
Let me tell you dear friend….
You spoil him constantly, he wants it, he gets it.
You do not discipline him AT ALL.
You leave him to do what ever the hell he wants and do not set boundaries.
Your too busy with your phone texting the latest potential love interest to take an interest in your child, he is raised by the television and his Xbox.
Her excuse for this blatant lazy arse parenting?
“I’ve had 5 kids, im too tired after raising the other four”
Fuck off.
Did any of your children request thier birth into this world?
Did your son implant himself in your womb against your wishes?
Did you take the necessary precautions in order to not end up with a fifth child?
Did Satan himself come along and impregnate you with his evil seed?
No, no, no and no.
It is YOUR responsibility as a parent to put the effort into raising your child correctly.
It is not your child’s fault if he or she is badly behaved…. It is YOURS.
Rather than sitting and asking what is wrong with your children, ask yourself what am I doing wrong here?
There are of course cases where there are mental health issues, behavioural issues etc
My sisters son has ADHD, raising a child with such is fucking hard work!
She has managed, despite this, to raise a young boy who is now on the verge of his teens who is a polite, caring, lovely young man, sure he has his moments but all children do!
My point here is if my sister had the same attitude as my friend i.e im too tired to raise my kids properly, then her son would be bloody awful…. But he’s not. She has worked hard as a parent to enable him to be able to function in normal society as a decent young man who is liked and loved by many!
My friends son does not have such issues.
She is just lazy.
No parent is perfect and ALL of us get tired and stick our children infront of the tv sometimes!
Tiredness however is no excuse for neglecting your kids.
Your kids deserve a good upbringing, your kids deserve to be shown how to behave in this world, how to be courteous towards others, how to share, how to make friends and the general unspoken rules of how to act around other people. I feel it is actually rather cruel to spoil a child and let them get away with murder, those children will grow up expecting the outside world to be the same, they will find that it is not and that as a result people do not like them and they can’t get on in life and function on the most basic of levels in social situations.
Imagine my friends sons shock when he goes to high school and discovers there are in fact repercussions for bad behavior or if he is unable to make friends because he is spoilt, controlling and doesnt share.
Iv no doubt that my friend still won’t have a clue where his behavior stems from even then.
You owe it to your kids my dears to give them a good start in life.
You do indeed have to be cruel to be kind sometimes, you are not your child’s best mate, you are thier parent.


Tattoos, piercings and being a mum

I adore being a mummy, it has been my dream since I was a child to hold my very own little newborn in my arms, to stare lovingly into my babes eyes and watch my precious little bundle grow and develope into a little person.
When I was asked in school what I wanted to be when I grew up I would always reply without hesitation “I want to be a mummy”
My teachers would often scoff and insist I choose an actual career….
I would begrudgingly choose veterinarian but secretly continue dreaming of babies and little mini me’s.
I had my first child aged 19, im the first to admit that yes I was too young and yes I had her with someone I didn’t really love but I’ll never regret my little princess because she became the sunshine in my darkness and being a mummy got me through many incredibly hard times.
At that time I was what alot of people consider to be “normal”
At aged 21, after I had split up with my daughter’s father, I got my first tattoo, my daughter’s name and date of birth, from that moment I was hooked!!
I also love piercings and I now have my tongue, bottom lip and top lip pierced as well as the usual ear piercings, I also now have six tattoos and I fully intend on getting more of both.
Now I walk down the street, tattoos and piercings on display along with my bright long red hair, made up face, leather jacket and black clothes and I find I am given the most horrendous stink eye from other mothers and the older generation!
I would like to politely inquire… What the bloody hell is your god damn problem you judgemental bastards?!
Yes I look different from how you choose to dress but does how I am dressed, my hair or the way I choose to decorate my body effect my ability to be a good mother?
No it bloody well does not.
I am, if I may say, an amazing mum.
My babies come first in every area of my life, they go without nothing, I love them endlessly and I bring them up to have excellent manners, my children don’t have tantrums in public places, they aren’t spoilt, they are dressed very well, are always clean and are very happy little people.
Does being a mother mean I have to dress in frumpy shapeless clothing?
Does being a mother mean I have to forget I am a woman and have curves?
Does being a mother mean I am not allowed to express myself in the way I dress and present myself?
No, no, no, it bloody well does not.
I don’t go around in clothes that hardly cover my essentials, I don’t go round swearing and screaming at my children in the street, I see mothers all the time who think things like that are ok…..
Yet I am the one who is judged.
Let us open our minds and look at ourselves before looking down our noses at people who present themselves differently.
That woman who you have been slagging off because she looks different may turn out to be the nicest person and best friend you’ll ever hope to have.
Take a moment outside of your comfort zone and try speaking to the crazy lady with pink hair and a nose ring….
You never know…. She might NOT be Satan’s spawn as you had assumed her to be!


Vampires, blood and lust

Im not at all ashamed to say that I adore all things vampiric.
Anything from Interview with a vampire to Dracula. I even have a soft spot for a bit of Twilight, it’s true.
I have been fascinated since my first introduction to the world of vampires through a little series called Buffy.
As a teen all my fantasies would include the delicious Angel.
And so my love affair with the creatures of darkness began.
As an adult my adoration continues….
It has manifested into my sex life and I have developed what many I suppose would consider “kinky” tastes in the bedroom.
I have tasted another’s blood and had mine tasted in return…. Cue the gasps of horror and disgust….. But what most of you may view as disgusting and nasty I view as tasting the delicious sweetness of another’s very soul.
It is the closest you can get to another human being and the ultimate offering of the pure essence of your life to share with the one you love.
It is also damn sexy when done right.
Picture this; You kneel in the candle light, in a classic pose of submission, hands in your lap, your head bowed, neck exposed, you feel vulnerable yet excited by this new adventure of the senses.
You hear movement behind you and the heat of another’s body upon your back.
Your heart beat is thunderous within your chest and your breathing hitches as a feather light touch traces a loving caress from the lobe of your ear to your shoulder.
Goose pimples cover your flesh as your body reacts to the simple yet deliciously promising touch on your skin.
As lips kiss your flesh you feel a quick sharp sting but the pain is minimal and you hardly notice it, too busy feeling heat pool in your belly as the kisses trail thier way to the small cut half way between your shoulder blade and the nape of your neck.
You hear an erotic moan escape your lover as they taste the sweet unique taste that is purely you, a hand finds your hair and a strong arm wraps around your waist to hold you as your essence is licked, sucked and kissed from your body…..
Sounds alright doesn’t it?
Obviously things can go very wrong very quickly if you aren’t careful and I would never recommend anyone make an incision anywhere on your neck, no matter how shallow.
If you have read my previous blog you will know why!
A small shallow cut perhaps on your back, tummy, shoulder, allowing a few drops of blood for the one you love to taste is not the most horrendous act in the world.
Considering what some people get up to I think this is actually a loving and bonding act to take part in!
An example…. Foot fetish…. Now each to thier own and I don’t judge anyone but personally I cannot stand anyone’s feet, apart from my children’s and only while they are small!
I don’t understand how anyone could find the stinking dirty plates of hell erotic!
This is obviously my own personal opinion and im sure many of you would rather suck a big toe than taste blood!
We are all so wonderfully different in so many ways, I just think humanity’s minds should be a touch more open, you dont like what I do? That’s ok! Just don’t judge me for it, I don’t judge you for enjoying someone squatting and pissing over your face! (yes this does actually happen)
Each person is different and so long as no one is getting hurt (unless that’s what turns them on!) then there’s no harm!



Fifty shades of utter balls.

So I just received the third and final fifty shades book; fifty shades freed.
I have to say right from the start, I have a reasonable amount of experience in the world of BDSM.
I have been both submissive and Domme and these books are DANGEROUS.
The world of BDSM is absolutely nothing like these books put across.
It is dark and it IS extremely dangerous. I shudder to think of the amount of women who will get involved with men claiming to be a real life Mr Grey who will actually turn out to be men using the cover of Dom as an excuse to simply beat the crap out of women.
I myself have had a few bad experiences, the danger doesnt always come in the form of an arsehole abuser, no, an ex of mine claimed to be an experienced Dom and naive little me believing every word agreed to allow him to cut my neck with a razor and drink my blood….. I lost alot of blood and im lucky I got a scar and not a coffin. He blatantly bull shitted and put my life in danger in order to live out his own fantasy.
ALOT of inexperienced men and women will claim to have years of practice as a Domme/Dom when in fact it’s something they came across last week and fancied giving it a go!
BDSM can be incredibly erotic and bloody amazing IF done correctly and safely.
For every truly experienced Master or Mistress you come across, there will be 50 pretenders you will have to sift through to find the real deal.
These books have turned a dangerous, seedy world into something romantic and wonderful. At no point do these books contain a warning to women or men who want to find thier Mr Grey after reading this shite that the way BDSM is depicted in the books is horrendously warped into something that it is almost impossible to find in real life.
LADIES! If you still insist upon delving into this world, TAKE A FRIEND WITH YOU, at least initially. If you are stupid enough to go alone please please please let someone know where you are going AND when to expect you back. Ask this person to expect a call or text from you to let them know you have arrived safely and another to let them know you have safely arrived home.
Alot of people keep things like this secret and that is exactly what sexual predators rely on. The threat of being beaten, raped or even murdered in this world is no joke, it is very very real.
You may be wondering…. If it’s all such a load of crap then why have you bought the next two books?!
Well dear reader let me enlighten you, I am rather mental….
As a result of my nuttyness I now have a thing about completion.
I bought the first book and read it…. Now I have to buy and read the other two to feel I have the complete set, if I do not it will nag at me…. I don’t feel the world would end or anything so dramatic, it will simply nag at me and I can’t stand being nagged, not by my partner, not by my kids, not by my mother and not by inanimate objects.
Stay safe and happy.


Fire, passion, darkness…. Me.

I’ll keep my name a mystery, not for any real solid reason, pretty much just cuz I don’t want it known who I am; you’ll see why.
I am a 25 year old girl, I say girl because woman always sounded too grown up to me…. Even though I have two children and that kinda makes me a grown up right?
I have a girl and a boy, my kids have different dads, judge away if you will but everyone’s shit stinks so quite frankly get over yourself.
My first relationship in which I had my eldest child, my daughter, was a horrendous relationship and I was glad when it was over, I have gone on to get myself into another bad relationship, silly cow! You would think I’d have learnt!
I still feel young, scared and vulnerable.
The outside world is a scary place and I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to enter it fully.
I love to write, mostly dark poetry with some erotica although I have never finished a novel!
I’ve had a difficult time in life and I must say I have been waiting for my happy for a long time now and it just seems to continuously and rather annoyingly evade me!
As a result of my past I am now absolutely mental but I try to come across as normal as I possibly can.
No one likes being abnormal do they?
Im waiting for my prince to come and save me, let’s just say the ogre has me in his grasp and I’ve not the strength to fight my way out of the tangled web of entrapment I’ve gotten myself into.
If you find yourself reading this, I guess all im here to do is express myself through letting it be known im here, I exist and I want to be heard.
I feel I have alot to give and alot of pent up crap to let out, I think alot of girls/women who are stuck in a bad relationship or anyone who’s had a bad time in life will relate to some of the things I have to say.
I try to be logical but my emotions tend to rule except in some grey areas where I have lost the ability to give a shit.
My dream is to live without worry and to be happy.
I don’t need expensive things, I’ve never had them, I can imagine it would be nice but I don’t dream of money, I dream of sunshine, love and happiness.
Don’t get me wrong, im not being beaten or raped or anything so horrifying! Im just not being loved, im taken for granted and made to feel like I don’t matter and it bloody well hurts, I think many of you girls will relate, how many of these bastard men treat us like idiots, lie and deceive to our god damn faces and think we are stupid enough to believe that bollocks!
Then again, isn’t it us who continue to cover our misery with a smile and an “ok honey”….
On my first mothers day after my son was born, my partner didn’t even wish me a happy mothers day. The whole day passed and nothing.
He remembered to call his mum but didn’t bother with letting me know im appreciated as a mother too.
Then like an absolute mug I will
go completely over board on fathers day…. Can’t help myself! Im that kind of person I guess, even if the person receiving my efforts doesn’t deserve a damn thing.
WARNING: I will swear, I will moan, I will give 100% honest opinions and won’t be afraid to do so.
I will share stories of love, hope, betrayal, bitterness, sadness, acceptance, sweetness, joy and pleasure.
If I bore you or you dislike this blog in any way shape or form, if you feel the need to criticise, judge or remark in the negative, fuck off. No ones forcing you to read this.